Yeah, so, I'm downloading the Grey Album, and, I'm sure that I'm person 3 millionth to do so.

I originally heard about Grey Tuesday while I was putting my shit in the breakroom before my shift at work. I just thought that EMI didn't want it released. Turns out they wanted all the copies destroyed. Stupid fucks.

Yeah, like people were actually going to do that. Idiots. Now, instead of making probably buku bucks, EMI is that much poorer. In this day of unlimited downloading, EMI should have struck a deal with Dangermouse. Jay-Z had no problem with it being released.

I've listened to the first five tracks, and, it's brilliant. No, it's fucking brilliant. I am a huge Beatles fan, and, at first I thought that some punk-ass just wanted to stir up some promotion for himself, while destroying the timeless ideals of Beatles music.

Nope. Not at all. It is an awesome album. It gives the Beatles their due, and, Jay-Z the respect he deserves.

Feel free to download it here. Please. I insist. Be one of the many who have screwed EMI out of money, while making their attorneys look like monkeys in the process.

Link whore will be here later.

No Friday Five. Weh.

Anyways, nothing important here. Really.

Life has taken a more monotonous tone and pace. Work, home, work, home. Fitting friends in as needed.

Have dinner & movie plans with D and a couple of her friends (I think)tomorrow night. Spent all day trying to figure out what I was going to wear. I will wear my special black pants. The ones that let the whole world know I have an ass, and, a helluva figure, if I do say so myself. My hormones aren't agreeing with me, so, none of the "show my tits off" tops for me. Some other time for sure.

Sunday will be interesting. There will be a get-together of sorts with my staff at a nearby bowling alley. If we can secure a lane, I'll kick everybody's ass. For some reason, I have a gift for bowling. Out of ten sets, I'll usually bowl seven or eight strikeouts. Always after a beer or two.

Definitely have to be careful though. Not too much booze in front of the staff, or, for that matter, for me. I will have counts to do on Monday morning. I'll have to be the disciplined one. Ick.

Other than that, not much. Have to get around to sending the ex her shit. I finally found a box for it, only to leave it at work tonight. Looks like I'll be buying one of those air bubble envelopes for her shit. It's not much really, but, just enough to bother.

Stalker-girl is saying "hi" to me again. Exactly one week after all that shit went down. More ick.

And that's that.

Now that I have digested all of this, the picture has become even frighteningly more clear. The religious right wants to cure not one, but, two "evils" it feels exist in our society.

Evil #1 - No marriage rights for gays.

We are the evil gay people. We are the one thing that Bush wants to keep waving in the face of Americans as a distraction to cover the incompetencies of his administration. He uses the "evil" gay people to shift focus from the nearly $3 trillion deficit that he leaves behind. To make Americans lose sight of the fact that the only people getting tax breaks are the wealthy. To blow smoke over the fact that he had a hand in the Enron scandal, knew what was going down, and didn't care. That CEOs of big companies are "laying off" workers every day to cover losses, when in fact, those same hot shots just want to make sure they get their bonuses at the end of the year. That it is more important for Bush to employ his friends than it is to be honest to Americans.

Evil #2 - Single mothers.

People who remember the Reagan years will remember this one the best. Especially after Reagan, when George Sr. ran for office. Remember that idiot, Dan Quayle? The one who said Murphy Brown was a bad example to Americans because she chose to be a single mother.

The religious right has viewed single mothers as an evil of society for who knows how long. Even more evil are the women who choose to be single moms. Some women are forced to be single moms. Whether through divorce, or, dead beat dads, some women have no choice but to be single. Some women don't want their children to know their dad because their father was (and probably still is) such a loser. A know-nothing and do-nothing.

This law would force women to marry the father of their children. This law would single handedly force an entire group to do something that they can't, wouldn't and shouldn't have to do. Insurance companies could very well take the letter of the law and say that the father's child(ren) will no longer have insurance coverage because he isn't married to the mother of his kid(s). Women all over would be forced into an institution that they shouldn't have to be, simply because a handful of zealots feel that their religious perceptions should be law.

And what if the father is a deadbeat? Loser? Or even worse, an abuser, or even a pedophile? As far as the religious right is concerned, women have to put up with whatever man they marry. Some are so radical as to believe that divorce should never be an option.

As a child of an abusive home, this makes me sick. No woman should be forced to marry an abusive husband, simply because she made the mistake of sleeping with him and loving him before he became abusive. No woman should be forced to be dependent on a man. Yet that is the very foundation of religious right thought. Even worse, there are plenty of heterosexuals in relationships that feel that they shouldn't get married, yet, under the new law, would forced to be.

With the passing of this anti-gay, anti-women, and anti-family law, the religious right would be single handedly controlling the lives of millions of people, gay or straight, and, affecting millions more in the years to come.

Thank God some of the smarter papers are realizing the true effect of such a law, and, putting it on their front pages, such as the Daily Herald.

Some rather frightening statistics;

55% of American first marriages end up in separation or divorce.
65% of American second marriages end up in separation or divorce.

Because gays can't legally get married, it's kinda looks like we aren't the ones screwing up the institution of marriage after all.


Not to sound biased, but, if the straight people can't even get it right, why shouldn't gay people be given a shot?

Perhaps my new entry should read something like this;

"So, the big man has finally chosen a side.

Seems Bush has finally come out in favor of a constitutional ban on gay marriage.

Members of his own party are against it. He probably just put the final nail in the coffin of his presidential career, after shooting himself in the foot."

It's harsh when members of your own party publicly state that they are looking for an alternative to a constitutional ban. Maybe Bush doesn't even have the support from either the Senate or the House afterall. Ouch.

Nothing better than getting bitch slapped by your own party members.
The Log Cabin-ers are concerned that Bush may alienate the 1 million+ gay voters he had during his 2000 election.

Concerned?!?!?!?! I'd like to meet the gay idiots who voted for this man! WTF??? Christ already. How stupid can the log cabiners get? Somebody needs to bitch slap them, or, at least take away those pipes they keep tokin off of. One of my exs was and probably still is a log cabiner. I don't get it. Both Barbara and Laura Bush attended Log Cabin events, then turned around and denied ever being at those events. Even the First Ladies are embarrassed of this segment of the Republican party. Wake up you monkeys!!!!

So, with the new ad laws, the candidate has to say at the end of each campaign commercial "My name is _______, and I approved this ad." There should have been a stipulation about truth in the ads as well.

Bush's would go something like this;

" As President of the United States, George Bush took a 200+ billion dollar surplus and turned it into a 2+ trillion dollar deficit. During his tenure, the highest number of private bankruptcies and foreclosures during any President's time were filed. He is the first man to become President with a criminal background. He is responsible for the deaths of over 500 American soldiers, more dying each day. He is the first President to endorse legislature that would discriminate against an entire class of U.S. citizens."

I'm sure that ads like that would surely get him voted back into office.

I have more thoughts about this, which will surely be posted here. I just have to get it right in my head.

So, the big man has finally chosen a side.

Seems Bush has finally come out in favor of a constitutional ban on gay marriage. He has the state support for ratification (39 out of 50 have some sort of anti-gay marriage ban), but, does he have the support in the Congress?

The answer might just be no. During his last State of the Union address, the majority of Democrats just sat in disgust while the Puppet, whoops, I mean President, touted his support of an anti-gay marriage amendment, Republicans cheering his narrow-minded vision on. The passing of such an amendment requires a two-thirds approval by both the House and the Senate. He'll probably have the Senate support as well, with the division of Republican/Democratic forces almost equal, several Democrats have come out in support of the amendment. It's the House that will give him the most trouble, and, probably the one place were the amendment will get stalled.

Personally, I could care less whether the religious right ever accepts my marriage to a woman. I would be happy with a civil union that bears all the rights of a heterosexual marriage, including tax rights, parent's rights, etc.

This just makes me sick. It kills me even more when I bump into other gays who just simply say "Well, looks I'll be moving to Canada". Cowards. I feel that every gay person, no matter how unimportant they feel, is important to this cause. Every gay person that you meet, whether you know they are or not, is one more example of what good we do in this world. We work hard, fast and smart, just as much as the person standing next to them. We pay taxes just as you do, don't break any laws, are helpful to our neighbors, and so on.

I just don't get it. Why do we have a government that is choosing to deprive me of rights when I work just as hard as the next person and pay taxes just as much as the next person? Apparently my money isn't good enough. Neither am I.

That's fine. Choose to deprive an entire group of citizens of basic rights given to them by amending the Constituion. Idiots. Just remember that when we all go get married and move someplace else, and take our money with us. All those millions, all that tax money you could have collected by giving and ensuring marriage rights, all that money you need right now and will need in the future.

The laughter that now belongs to the religious right, due to their success manipulating their puppet President, will become our laughter. Why we should continue giving our business to American workers then? We can take our orders for clothes we sell in our shops, the napkins and the silverware that we use in the restaraunts we own, just take all that and give it to overseas factories and companies (if some people aren't doing it already). All the millions of dollars that American companies try to seduce from our community can go elsewhere, that's fine too. I like imported beer more the domestic anyway.

I am not delusional. I know that it won't happen tomorrow, or in the next week, or in the next month. It will happen. All of the millions of dollars we have in our community will go someplace else. Then people will be scratching their heads wondering where it all went. All as the rest of the world mocks the U.S. for being so backward and hypocritical.

American, Land of the Free *



*only for straights, rich, mostly white upper class America. If you don't fit under these categories, there are no rights for you.

My thought of the day is this:

If God really came down to Earth to "touch" us, I don't think He would be wrapping His arms around us, I think He'd be sticking His foot in our asses, in hopes that we might actually get our shit together.

America isn't conservative, it's complacent. Dangerous difference.

Same shit different Sunday at work. Get the ad set, take my lunch, fill out some paperwork, get my staff going, stock video games for what seems like 12 hours, do more paperwork, avoid bumping into stalker-girl at the copy machine, then go home. It's soo exciting I know. I can feel the jealousy from here, let me tell ya.

Cool thing is I actually got up in enough time to actually be early today. I even shocked myself.

Yeah, I know. This entry is soo exciting. Blech.

I'm gonna go play some Mahjongg. Addictive game it is.

Saturday Night Link Whore.

Awesome blue pencil comment, with an cool hobby

All good in my book

Actually, this is a pretty typical lesbo.Scary, I know.

My attempt to understand.

Not only a cool site, but, a great way to get your ass whooped.

It's a pretty good read.

Come for the layout, stay for the story.

And once again, people stupid enough to give me free advertising;

No Life Chick (BH), under the header "crackhead".

I was thinking about something a while back, and, it just popped in my head. I read BH's website, and, it said something along the lines of BH not saying what her sex, age, profession or sexual orientation was.

Well, genius, you just let the whole world know you are gay. Only gay people would put forth the effort of saying that they won't reveal their sexual orientation, unconscious of the act. Straight people would assume their readers know they are straight, and, would never spend the effort, consciously or unconsciously, to evade their orientation.

Kinda like the Spice Girl who came to America saying "I'm looking for a man!". She's been fighting off lesbo rumors ever since. Unless she did come out, and, no one cared enough to write about it.

Well, that's about it for today, folks. Time to hit the sack so I can get up before the crack of dawn's ass to get ready for work.

P.S.

One of those people on my "list" came back into my life.

Yeah, to say that I was happy to see her was an understatement. Really.

It never helps that she always wants a hug either. Makes me think about her even more. I'm gonna stop now. If she's really straight, so am I. I hate it when it feels like a lie.

The pain isn't there anymore. I was sitting in my living room, and, watching LOTR Two Towers S.E. for the upteenth time, and, it hit me. I don't miss her anymore.

I miss the routine. If we were together, I'd come home, and, she'd be waiting up for me. I remember when I gave her a copy of the key to the apartment. Man, my mom went APE SHIT! Even after suggesting that M move in with us because she didn't (and probably still doesn't) like it at home. Geez, the shit she gave me.

What if she takes something?
What if something turns up missing?

Please, dumbass. Her dad makes twice as much as my dad, and, still has her mom's income to boot. They put both her and her older brother through college, without loans, mind you. Please, I went to a public college and my dad went apeshit over that tuition. I had to go get scholarships. SCHOLARSHIPS!!!!!! Please. Whatever.

I had to go back and edit my last entry. I had a brain fart and forgot how to spell "though". High quality publik edookashun.

Phooey.

It's 2am, and, I can't sleep just yet. Part of it is the whole "mouse" problem we have. Ever since that stupid garbage workers strike, we've had mice. Actually, just more of them. My neighbors downstairs love to leave food out on the counters, and, chairs. As in uncovered, uncontained. I've bitched at my landlady twice, but, I'd get a better response from the walls. At least I'd hear my echo. Seeing mice saunter across your dining room floor is a pretty good enough reason to want to leave. Yes, I said saunter.

Not run like bats out of hell, or, faster than a speeding bullet. Saunter, waltz, stroll.

It's like there are fifty people living in a two bedroom apartment. No, they are not Hispanic, lemme just stop you right there. I think they are eastern European. Still, it's weird. They are so poor, they dress their youngest son in girl's clothes. Like hand-me-downs and crap like that. No, actually, they are not poor. They are cheap. These people just bought both a Honda Accord EX and a Volkswagen Golf. It's messed up. For a while, there was a bet going between me, my mom and the lady on the first floor as to the sex of that kid. Ugh.

Perhaps I am more tired than I think. I digress.

I would come home from work, and, she'd be waiting for me, all ready for bed. I would change, then get ready for bed as we would talk about stuff at work. I'd climb into bed, and, watch her fall asleep.

At this time of the year, I'd be sleeping next to the window, because of the cold. We'd wake up around 10 or 11 the next morning, and, we'd make breakfast together. After that, we'd take a shower together, then plan our day while getting dressed. Plans usually involved dinner out and a movie, unless the cash flow was a little tight. Then it would be us making dinner and eating while watching one of several movies we picked out.

Funny how I can write this without tears now. Many good memories that I hold, once which would bring me to tears, now put a smile on my face. Creates a longing for such precious times once again, but, not necessarily a longing to be with the same person. I love how I felt in those times, but, I'm not stupid enough to go back to the source of those memories. There would be more pain now than the happiness would be worth.

In my crystal ball I see, two terminations and an action plan for me. Yeah, my GM will probably be going back to being an AM if my fellow sups don't get their shit together. As in like, oh, yesterday. Even better, two days ago.

Sheesh, this is a long one. I feel obligated to hand out virtual hankies or something. I feel like starting a new project, but, I don't know what just yet. I'll figure out something. I always do.

Okay, so, no Friday Five this week. It's the same questions from two Fridays ago.

I'll tone down the swearing this time. I totally got out of control.

When I went out last Friday, I bought myself a pack of Dunhills, and, I intend to smoke every one of those cigs. At $6 a pack, I'll increase my chances of cancer to make sure that I get my money's worth. I still curse the asshole or bitch who ever gave me my first Dunhill. Probably the same moron who got me hooked on Sapphire.

Anyway, all is good again. No phone calls, no text messages, no looking at my schedule, nothing! WOOHOO!!!!!!

The "fuck you"-er hasn't written anything in her blog for a while. Guess she hasn't found me yet. Waa to you loser.

Gotta send the ex an email letting her know I found her stuff. Including the happiness Tiki Doll that her good friend L got while she was in Hawaii getting married.

Keep the Tiki, toots. Hope you find happiness, but, I don't think it will be with me.

I was sitting in my car having a smoke last night when something happened. I smiled. I don't know why I smiled, but, I did. For nothing I guess. I haven't smiled in a long time. It felt good.

I have to go bitch-slap my senior who opened yesterday. We had a store assessment, and, dipshit couldn't speak to the business. EVEN THOUGH IT'S WRITTEN DOWN.

Yeah, that write-up threat applies to everyone, cocksucker, including you.

I must go and feed my "I hope I win the lottery" fantasy. Eh, you never know until you try. I only try after the jackpot goes over $100 million. Then I consider it worth my time. A bit smug, I know, but, I'm sure as heck not gonna waste my money on a measly $10 million.

My brain hurts. I've had some major shit go down in the past 24 hours. I hate the people in my store, gossipy punk ass bitches. Especially the one asshole in Audio. I hope you fucking rot in hell. I really mean that, fucker. Asshole. Dipshit. Fucking fuck. Stank smelling shitty asshole fucking fuckface.

FUCK!!!!!!!

So, here's what went down, day by day.

Saturday, stalker-girl buys a dozen roses, gives one to a cashier and a customer service chick each. I got the other ten. No, I didn't. She left them at the front desk, and, had the LP guy PAGE me over the store system, and, I had to walk up to the desk, and, get them. WHILE THERE WERE 4 CASHIERS WATCHING.

Gee bitch, why didn't you just announce it over the PA?????

So, I pull my senior off to the side, and, I explain why I feel that people in the store should not know who gave them to me. Turns out fucking fuckface from Audio was listening, and, told Grudge Man(mentioned earlier). THEN Grudge Man told the rest of the store. (see 2/15 7:22pm post).

Sunday, nothing. Monday, nothing till after I leave. The shit really hit the fan.

Tuesday, I walk up to my boss, and, we have a 40 minute conversation about how I felt. I told my boss that I was genuinely freaked out. The roses were way too public for me to handle. I also told bossman about the phone calls and the voicemails and the text messages that came in some sort of overdrive that Stalker-girl kicked into.

It was just way too much. I was freaked out, and, I still am. It was all overload. I explained it to my boss. We were sitting in the speaker room, and, there were some boxes of stock behind us. I said that it felt like I was pushing against the box, and, it wasn't bending or breaking. It was like as the cardboard of the box got pushed, it lost it's size, but, not it's density. The more I tried to drop her hints to lay off, the more she pushed.

To say that I am happy that the shit went down is an understatement. I am relieved. I am so de-stressed that I am surviving on about four hours of sleep each day. And I don't wake up tired. It's a huge boulder off of my shoulders. I don't give a shit what the other sups either. Fuck 'Em all!

The good thing out of my session Monday is that I am healing a lot faster now than I did with my last relationship. It was funny, I was at the bar, and, I was worried about how I looked, and, what vibes I gave off. I felt single again. It was weird, really. It was a good feeling though, one I haven't had in a while.

My ex sent me an email asking about some of her stuff that was here. Fine, I'll give it to you. VIA the post office. At this point, I am ready to tell her to choke on it, but, it's just my anger at the whole work shit that I'd be re-directing at her.

Fun stuff, I say. Fun stuff.

Okay, some more.

I hope this guy doesn't actually TEACH drama.

I bet this title was SO hard to come up with.

I'm done now.

Someone needs to blow this one up too. Seriously.

See what happens when stupid people use the internet.

For these people to even compare gun rights to the right for gay people to marry is sick. Only desperate stupid people would make such an argument.

I'm sorry, but, me french-kissing a woman does not put holes in people's chests. Me going down and sticking my tongue in her cunt doesn't blow off someone's head, or, kill my family members or my neighbors. Stupid people with guns do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for keeping and bearing arms for defense; it's in the constitution after all. But I am against armor piercing bullets for deer hunting.....when the fuck did deer start wearing bullet proof vests? I don't believe that someone should be able to house enough guns to start their own turf war; those kinds of people need serious help. I do believe in some level of gun protection.

I also believe in gun permit waits (which most of the gun freaks are against), and, I believe that it should go a step further. You should not be able to obtain a gun permit unless you show that you have experience in handling your weapon of choice. If you can't handle your weapon of choice, you'll have to step it down. Just in case some psycho decides that he wants revenge against the world, and, wants to go down in a blaze of glory taking it.

Not much of a blaze when you have a .22 with only 14 round clip. You're bound to get bitch-slapped before you kill anybody.

I'm in a very pissy mood right now. I told one of my seniors what I felt were the reasons why my previous senior left (referred to as Stalker-girl), and, he swore to me that he would not tell anybody.

So, dipshit goes to the one person that has a grudge against me, and, tells him. Then Grudge Man goes and tells some other people. Then those people tell others. Before I know it, by the end of my therapy session, I have two calls, a voicemail, and, two texts on my cell.

Funny, I just realized something. All of this went down just after I left the store. I've been thinking that this was going on over the weekend. It didn't. I left the store at 2pm. By 3:57pm, the voicemail was on my cell. Dammit. It all went down the second I walked out the door. It took just two hours for the whole store to know. Gotta tell the boss.

Shit. A can of worms was opened, and, I didn't even get to turn the opener.

The link whore must post early today, because I have to be at work(my cedar black prison) at 2pm. So, here goes;

Cool guy, creator of this site

Cool gal
(got that fixed for ya, by the way)

It's interesting

I can totally sympathize.

Getting to know another side of life.

More of another side of life.

Last but not least.....yeah, they really do rock.

It's not a complete list, but, I figured that I would show some link love.

People stupid enough to give me free advertising;

Welfare-chick, under the header "Crackhead".

It's the Friday Five once again!


1. Are you superstitious? No, as a matter of fact, I waltz under ladders and smash mirrors to freak other people out. I avoid the black cat, only because I'm allergic to cats.

2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition?I knew a guy that carried both a rabbit's foot and a lucky horseshoe.

3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition?The whole "opening an umbrella indoors" thing.

4. Do you believe in luck? If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual?I don't believe in luck, just being prepared, thus making the unexpected expected.

5. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not? Yeah, because I'm an Aries, and, the whole astrology thing seems to be on target for me. I don't look at my horoscope everyday, just every once in a while, especially if I'm going on a date or something.

ATTENTION!!!!!

Starting tomorrow and every Saturday going forth, I will have a new feature called
"SATURDAY NIGHT LINK WHORE"

Once again, my plans have changed. It looks like I'll be going to see the Cathy Richardson Band tomorrow night after all. She's awesome live, so, it's all good.

Crush-girl now has a new title. It's stalker-girl. Stalker-girl called me three times today, and that was before I had to be at my cedar-block prison at 2pm. Even after I sent her an email AND a text message asking her what her problem was. Perhaps a bitch-slap is in place now. I can't help but see this image in my mind's eye of her hanging herself because I don't love her. Ugh.

My biggest worry right now is finding out that stalker-girl is following me or something. I have this morbid fear that I'll go out to the bar tomorrow night, and, she'll walk right in looking for me. More ugh. To boot, my ex will be there too. Making out with someone.

Dear God, please work with me this time?

Okay, so maybe my crush on Miss Hartigay has gone a bit far. I had a dream about her two nights ago.

We were (go figure, police setting) working on a case together. We sat at desks that were facing each other, and, were going over the details of a case. Then, flash! We in a bed having sex. WTF?

After a few more dreams, I woke up. Even then I realized it was a bit much. I just simply went about my day in ordinary fashion. Still, the image of us together in bed has been haunting me. It's a nice fantasy and all, but, it just has to go away now.

So, it looks like I'm going to have plans for Valentine's Day after all. I'll be getting together with my friend Deb. Apparently, the woman who she was going to get back together with has abruptly ended those plans. I know that I wasn't the only one who was warning her, but, she didn't listen. Well, she was listening to her heart and not her head anyway.

Crush-girl saw that I was on lunch yesterday and felt the need to join me. UGH. If anybody knows me, they know that I DON'T do group lunch at work. I just want to sit, eat, get some of my Nickelodeon addiction fed, and, get back to the floor. She felt that we should eat together. Bleck. I know I totally gave her all of the body language to let her know that I didn't want company. I shifted my body away from her, I didn't make eye contact, I looked down at my food, the tone of my voice was flat and monotonous. Perhaps I should have worn a sign that read "Fuck Off!".

She didn't even ask if she could sit with me. She just invited herself to the table. I totally lost my appetite then. I hid in the bathroom until she had to go back.

Then there this "hugging" thing she likes to do. She always has to hug me, especially in front of other people. I'm sure that there is at least one rumor going around that we are dating each other. Yeah, because she's SO my type. Anybody who knows me well knows that I like my women a little on the heavy side. My ex is 5'5" and probably around 220. Crush girl is 5'2" and thinner than paper. Yeah, being able to see your joints moving through your skin is so FUCKING attractive. I have to stop now. I'm starting to gag.

Then she asked me why I haven't sent her anything yet. Then again, I haven't found a nice way to tell her to fuck off, so, I'm responsible for this as well. Any suggestions?

(2-14-04)

Had to get rid of it, folks....it was fun while it lasted

Crush-girl asked me for advice on how to fill out a job app. My GM harassed her into applying for a position that she doesn't want. Shocking. So, I type out a few coaching points, and, a few moments later, she gives me this cheesy-ass "Thank You" card. It read;

You're "the best"!

Thank You,

XOXO

At this rate, if I can FIND someone cheap enough to pay to be my girlfriend when my birthday comes around, I will.

ACK! and ICK!

I love you all! Goodnight!

Yes valentines day is coming up and I am going to take me out on a date. I'm so excited 'cause I'm so cute. I'm still in the planning phase of the date maybe a nice dinner and.....I might buy me some flowers because I'm just so sexy to me. Then if I'm lucky I might get a little action from me later, but, even if I don't I will still be so in love with me.

apologies to angrydyke


This pretty much sounds like what I'll be doing on Valentine's Day. I am SUCH a fun person, I know!

Wendy wrote the blogheckler a wonderful letter! You ROCK Wendy! Now's it's there for everybody to know.

If you want it copied here, let me know.

I have never laughed so hard before. It was too damn funny.

Okay, I'm outta here. I get to go to my cedar-block prison today at 2.

woohoo. yipee. alright. blah.

create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

It's something, I guess.

One layer to your breakup that you might want to confront is the layer that says you broke up because you are a neurotic, dumpy, scab-infested beast. Once you deal with that one, I'll tell you what comes next.
blog heckler

Great, who told welfare-chick what I look like?

Although,

neurotic - of, relating to, being, or affected with a neurosis

not helping

neurosis - a mental and emotional disorder disorder that is less serious than a psychosis and is accompanied by various mental and bodily disturbances (as visceral syptoms, anxieties or phobias)

beginning to sound like blogheckler

psychosis - a serious mental illness marked by the loss of or greatly lessened ability to test whether what one is thinking and feeling about the real world is really true

getting closer

psychopath - one who has not lost contact with reality but who engages in abnormally agressive and seriously irresponsible behavior with little or no feeling of guilt

There we go! That's the one! THAT describes blogheckler to a tee. Kinda explains the whole bit about her belief that she has followers who will go and do the same thing she does.

I'm done. Enough about that.

Never argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Go forth loser and find someone else to try to drag down to your level! Go........Go before the kids on the short bus realize they are smarter than you!

GO, GO I SAY!!!!!

Crush-girl is stalking me via text message. Can I ban her too? PLEASE?!?!?!?!

As expected (goes to show you how predictable this person is, and, yes, it IS a woman, only women call other women whores), BlogHeckler left me a comment in her "oh so mature" way. I've copied it for your pleasure below:

Since when did I get hacked, whore? I'd put some comments on my blog about your pathetic attempt here, but, well, it's so damned lame that it doesn't even warrant space on my front page. You are a crackhead.
blog heckler 2:55am

Now, note, it's posted at 2:55am. 2:55am?!?!?! Gees, this woman really has no life. Seems like this chick really does nothing but surf the net for blogs in a very pathetic attempt to make herself important. Hope she's not on welfare or something, I don't want to be paying her lazy-ass to be doing this. Although I do admire her good use of punctuation, she used "damned". I haven't heard that since I stopped watching re-runs of Beverly Hillbillies.

Anyway, I just got back from my session with my therapist. Apparently, there are "layers" to my breakup that I need to begin to distinguish. We did however agree on one thing, though. Seems that I have been attracted to women that have some "need". Not the bedroom kind of need, but, in the sense that they need someone to compensate for some deficiency in their lives. My therapist thinks that my ex has a power issue, and, the ex before that had a provider "issue". Makes sense when I think about it. All I did with my previous ex was throw money at the situation, hoping that it would get better. It didn't. With my current ex, it was a matter of having power over me and changing me in ways that I now admit I didn't want, so, I changed for her thinking it would strengthen our relationship. It didn't.

So, now what do I do? I forgot to ask that question. I guess it's matter of figuring out the need that each woman has, and, whether I am willing to risk who and what I am to satisfy that need. I decided that I won't risk that much of me for anyone. Not anymore. It's like I said in my livejournal, I will wait for someone that deserves me, even if it means another lifetime.

So, off I go. I have to start reading the Tanith Lee books I got from the library last week. I am now working on her "Books of Venus" series. I was knocked flat by her "Books of Paradys" series. She is a great author, and, I feel deserves more than the due she gets now.

Okay, so, I've been keeping track of some "blog-drama". Turns out there's this loser who calls herself the BlogHeckler, and, the punk-ass bitch got her due. Turns out her blog got hacked. Kudos to you Oh Great One, where ever you are!

I just wish somebody would not only hack, but, blow up into smithereens this site.

Someone did reference in the comments section that she was probably just getting off on her anonymity. As in vibrator-like. Seems like loser girl can't get any on her own, so, she does this? Please. Give me a break.

Anyway, I spent almost an hour chasing crush-girl out of work. She stayed until somebody else showed up, even though she looked like death warmed over, unlike her usual pale self.

And, I did it. I cut my hair. I decided that the whole "dark ragged bush" of hair on my head wasn't in line with my new more streamlined wardrobe. It's no more "excuse me miss" for me. It'll go back to "excuse me, sir...oh, I meant m... can you help me?"

I love it when they do that. It soooo fucks with their heads.

Oh, and, don't worry, just because I work for Big Blue doesn't mean that my job is any better. It sucks here too. Just more so because of the exponential number of people I deal with. The more people there are, the more likely that their I.Q. drops.

Ran a search for Miss Hartigay in MSN, and, the second item found said that she was Ellen's new girlfriend.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I must go to mourn now.

Ugh, I just crawled out of bed an hour ago. I have little to do today, except a load or two laundry. My dinner plans got cancelled, my friend Deb had to work tonight.

It works out. More money I can put in the "going to move out in June" account. I figure that I can save anywhere between $300 and $350 a month. I'll have about $1400 saved, not including the $500 my mom is going to give me-she figures that it's just easier to give me my half of the security deposit than to go through my landlady. I will have a very nice cushion to work with, especially if I decide on the studio option.

I am seriously considering the studio option, simply because I have too much nice stuff. I keep having these images of a stranger going through my shit with a big nasty grin on their face. ICK. I'd have to buy dishes and cookware, but, that can't cost anymore than a couple hundred bucks anyway. I'd have to buy a microwave and coffee maker, shit like that, but, hey where I work, I get that stuff about 40% less than what the rest of my customers pay.

Rock!!!

Now, I have to call my brother and find out what's going on with the car. Fun stuff I say.

This guy's work is awesome!

It's midnight Friday night, and, what am I doing? Sitting at home waiting for the frozen pizza to get done.

I soooooo need a life. ARGH!

So, anyway, I was just checking out blogs, and, turns out someone looked at the blog "Hot Abercrobie Chick". Just by the title, 99% of normal people could figure out the author is a ditz, but, this person went a little further. Turns out this girly girl has several pictures of herself in A&F attire (shocking!), but, does this weird thrusting her chest out act that just makes her look even that much dumber. WTF?

I never did that shit when I was in high school. Then again, when I was in high school, Z. Cavaricci and Girbaud were the thing to wear. The only good thing left out of all of that vanity wear is a cool red Girbaud jean jacket that fits. Yeah, I really am dating myself.

I look back and laugh. That's only thing I can do; it's either that or cry. I really hated my teenage years. They sucked and blowed beyond any description in the human language. I was totally suicidal, the whole nine yards. It didn't help that my parents kept guns in the house either, but, hey, I'm alive and I'm here. And I'd have to say probably much more happier with myself and secure in myself that most of the people I graduated with.

Well, the pizza's almost done, so, I'm off. Another disc of SVU and it's beddie bye for me.

The ex of the ex has nothing to talk about anymore. Wah wah wah.

I put a new profile on LN last night, which includes a link to my blog (woohoo!). I'm getting better at this blog code thing. I think.

Welcome to the Friday Five!

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?As a high school senior, I had spanish sex with a guy I was seeing at the time. Hey, he had to go down on me afterwards, so, I got the better deal.

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?Well, I'm already gay, and, my mom isn't too thrilled about that, so, I guess that it would be having a threesome

3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle) I would give myself a five or a six at the most. As long as my feet are on the ground, I'll do just about anything.

4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?One night, I was totally being what I thought was obnoxious, and, I ended up leaving the bar with like five or six numbers in my pocket.

5. ... and what's the worst?I've actually lost friends. Ouch!

Folks, I had to post this, 'cause you know it's true;

Real Product Warning Labels

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Damn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how???.......)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn
upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on
body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do
a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness.."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor
use only." (as opposed to.....what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other
use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit
curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does
not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame
the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this
happening somewhere?)

Crush girl claims to now have plans on the March 21st, my b-day, whereas before I was supposed to book it because it was taken.

Then again, I'm not dropping everything to talk to her at work either, so, I guess this is my revenge. Boo fucking hoo.

Yeah, I was really looking forward to that one.

Hey, look, a cow just jumped over the moon!



Nananana, nananana, hey hey, Goodnight!!

Okay, so, every time that I decide that I am going to send an email to crush-girl, I go to do it, and, something holds me back. Like the feeling that I got when I started to go out with Josephine from the very first store I worked at.

With J, it wasn't serious at all. I wasn't looking for love. I wasn't looking for anything, really. It just happened. We couldn't stand next to each other without being turned on. I kid you not! It was sooo weird, I've never felt anything like that before and since then. But it's not the turned on part that I feel with crush-girl.

With J, there was another feeling. A not-so-good one. That feeling in the pit of your stomach "What the fuck are doing getting involved with her, jackass!" feeling. That's the feeling I'm getting with crush-girl.

And I haven't even sent the email yet. Wow. I guess I really should just leave it as a professional relationship if the red flag is going up even at this gesture.

Something I was reading on the net today. I clicked on a link at a blog I track, and, discovered that this page was about why this person hates blogs. What I don't get is that if you hate blogs so much a) why are you reading them? b) why are writing about them?
Nobody tells you to read my blog. I put my thoughts out there for people to see, yes. Maybe I am a bit of a "reverse voyeur" that way.

Everything I put in my blog could just as easily be said over the phone to many people. But, that's not why I put it out there. I look for a place to vent sometimes, a place where people can judge me, just not contact me with their opinions. I had to switch blogs because of someone's opinion. It was just becoming ridiculous.

The point of blogs is the search for anonymity and freedom, not the confines of judgment and the prison of blame and labels.

Maybe some people don't get it.

Okay, so, now every time I come online, I have to click on the "Lions in Kenya" link.

I'll get sick of it eventually, just not yet.

Okay, so, here's something else that has been bothering me for some time. I am a member of a local online group, and, it seems that when a single person joins, their intro looks and sounds like a singles ad. The name of the group is Lesbians4Friends. Does that sound like a singles place? Would it look sound like a good singles bar? I don't think so.

I don't know. Maybe I've been out of touch for a while. Maybe "friends" really means "fuck-buddies" in some secret lesbian-ese language that I haven't learned yet. Even I was friends with my ex for almost three months before we went out.

I don't get it. It just looks desperate, tacky....it just makes you look easy I guess. Maybe I'm the kind of woman who wants to get to know the woman I would potentially fuck around with. Rare breed? I hope not.

I got some important stuff done today. I paid my dentist bill, paid the ticket on my car and got a new sticker for it too, so I wouldn't get another ticket for the same offense. Replenished my healthcare supplies. I drank nearly half a bottle of Pepto Bismol about a week ago.

I have a lot of laundry to do, so, I got a lot of quarters to do it with. It just sucks having to go down three flights of stairs to do it. I get so lazy sometimes, I just throw my laundry over the porch railing in the back, go down the stairs, then drag it into the basement.

I hopped on the scale today. I am 158 fully clothed. I am officially 13 pounds away from my high school weight. Not bad for somebody who used to weight 185 just a couple of months ago. The weight loss was intentional. One of many good things I have to thank my ex for.

Let's see, if I get down to 145, I will weigh what I weighed in high school, and, I'm an inch taller to boot. Sweet. If I can keep it till the 20 year high school reunion, I'd be set. I know everybody will have gained some weight. I went to high school in the lovely Lincoln Park area. Most of those kid's parent's were either doing pot, or getting drunk or laid almost every single day, and, could not have given two shits about their kids. Which in turn would lead them to not giving a shit either.

C'est la vie. I guess.

Well, it's off to the laundry.

Over the railing and down the stairs, to the washer & dryer I go.......

So, do you approve of the upgrades to my blog?

Perhaps I should go for the blogroll next.

I hope the IDES phone fiasco goes well. I've sat on the other end (disputing the eligibility) several times in my career. I've just had better luck. Our claims were legit. I've only had to deal with them at one particular location I work at.

Fun stuff, I say.

This is sooo fucking funny!!!!

Still haven't sent an email to crush-girl. Still debating if I should.

Still ick.

"Hold me close now Tony Danza"

I can see how you could get that mixed.

I love Tiny Dancer by Elton John. I love Tim McGraw's version more. Go figure. That I would like country. Normally, I don't but, this is an exception. This and Martina McBride's "Where would you be?"

Lee Ann Womack went into overkill with "Something Worth Leaving Behind".

I must admit, I do like Shania Twain, I have the international version of "Come On Over". It's a bit more pop-ish.

Okay, now that I have confessed my undying love of a bit of the country scene, I'm done now. I don't want somebody thinking that I'm some butch lesbo hillbilly. I do own a pair of cowboy boots, and, they are pretty darn comfortable...oh, shit...I have to stop now.

I just finished the first of six discs of SVU. Oh, it was awesome when both Angie Harmon AND Mariska Hartigay were in the same room together. I so put that on PAUSE and drooled for about five minutes. I was mopping for like an hour.

Oh hoho, those two can sneak in my bedroom anytime.

Drool.

If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes" delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.

FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING??

It will drink ALL your beer. It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
******* WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. *******

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you. Send this warning to everyone.



People, I'm still laughing

A new me = a new blog.

I found myself getting sucked into the vortex of dyke drama, and, was able to pull myself out of it before it sucked the life out of me.

I felt that the whole "beingaboi" site addy wasn't cutting it anymore. I really didn't feel like a "boi" anymore. My ex has turned me into a woman, sort of.....

So, along with my manwear goes the "boi" image. Customers at work aren't confusing me with a man anymore. Which is good. I still have the boxers though, and, WILL NEVER EVER GIVE THOSE UP!

I love boxers too much. You can wear them with a t-shirt in the summer, and, still look respectable. Well, at least my definition of it anyway.

So, here I go.

Work wasn't bad. It wasn't good either. I did counts on my rock CD's, up to "H". It took me five hours to get that far. Ouch. I do have a lot of shit.

My senior covered my ass, and, made sure I was able to duck out of there before my GM found me. He was planning on yelling at me about the warehouse.

What, dipshitz? You wanna bitch about it, then help me clean it up. If not, then just point and shut up.

(using a company slogan)

If you aren't part of the solution, then you're part of the problem.

Yeah, I'm off work early. Figured I'd go stuff my face and watch Law & Order SVU. I bought the first season of it on DVD as a treat to myself. I also bought C.I.

I of course have to watch SVU first. Mariska Hargitay is SOOOOO HOT!!!!! She's the reason why I watch it. I stopped watching the regular Law & Order because Angie Harmon left. I had to find a new female to direct my amorous attention to. Did I ever!

Okay, I'm gonna stop now. Just for now.