And here's tomorrow!

So, yeah, now I'm in a kinda deep mood.

I got a phone call from my friend Deb. She'll be coming home next weekend. Turns out things between her and Cindy did not work out.

The temptation to say "I told you so" is there, but, it's not going to help her at all. Other friends in her circle have said it, but, I won't. Not because I'm "better", but, it just doesn't help her at all.

I'll be happy to see her after all this time. I love her to death, and, I'll know she'll be a bit broken when she returns, but, I'll be happy to see her. I've already warned the boyfriend that I will probably want to go see her when she gets here next weekend. He wants to meet her, which is cool.

I'm not surprised that it didn't work, actually.

I think towards the end of the relationship, Cindy became more self-conscious about Deb's weight than even Deb did. Cindy's last words to Deb were "I hope you don't plan on moving back to Chicago looking like that. You won't be able to find anybody if you do."

Fucking bitch.

The irony of it all; Cindy's friends (in St. Louis) like Deb more than Cindy. Some of them would like to kick Cindy's ass for saying the stuff she said. Many of Deb's friends here in Chicago (myself included) would like to kick Cindy's ass.

Needless to say, Deb's ex has made a lot of enemies.

Fucking bitch.

On the home front, I've made a rather major purchase, well, at least to me anyway. I bought an MP3 player, 512 MB storage and so small that I would lose it if I didn't have it around my neck. The storage dropped down to 498 MB after I formatted it to sync with my pc.

So, why didn't I buy an IPod, you may ask.

IPods aren't compatible with Windows 98 (either version).

Dare I say that Apple developers are dumb fucks. Seriously.

Apple is losing out on an entire market of folks who were intelligent enough to not upgrade their OS's to ME or 2000. XP has a lot of security issues, so, I haven't upgraded to that either. Why do you think they had to release XP with Security Pack 2 on it?

No, 98 isn't perfect either, but, it's old enough that trojan horses can't really do anything on my pc when they infect it.

Now, say that I am just one pc user on my block that still has Win 98 on their hard drive. Now, say that every third block has a pc that still utilizes the Win 98 OS. Now, say that you're only counting cities that have only a population of 1 million or more.

That's still a lot of people. People who can't use an IPod because Apple has their head up their ass.

When I get a new pc, which I'll have to eventually, I don't plan on buying an IPod then either. Apple is too stupid to deserve my money.

Over the past several days, I've been doing some major cleaning in anticipation of the move. I've packed up another five garbage bags full of clothes and shoes, and, hauled those off to donation. I have five totes filled with stuff I'm taking with me, and, I still have two more totes to fill.

I finally got rid of the stupid hutch above my desk. It's been sagging right in the middle for time now, so, it had to go either way.

And wouldn't you know it? I vacuumed my bedroom for the first time since ever, and, my pc monitor isn't fritzing out like it was before. Amazing, huh?

I didn't just vacuum a little bit of dust. No, no. I was tackling dust bears and herds of dust buffalo. It was fucking ridiculous. I don't plan on letting my bedroom get this bad again. Nasty. Ugh.

My mom and I are still working out what I'm taking and leaving, but, my bedroom will be pretty empty when I leave either way.

You know what's strange? Deep down inside, I really don't have any fear about this move. I don't have second thoughts, any nagging feelings, nothing.

What I'm afraid of is what will happen when I get up there. Will we work out? Won't we? What if we do? What does that mean for us? What's the next step?

It's not a fear that is stopping me from doing this, but, more so just a fear of the unknown. Death doesn't even scare me, but, this does in a way.

The only thing I can't do is change my mind. This needs to happen. This is the "something" that I've been talking about needing to happen for a while now. That I do know.

I'm done now.

My new favorite thing.....

So, I walked into the Jewel near my job and strolled by a display for a new flavor of Diet Coke. What caught my attention was not that it had Lemon, Lime, or Prune Juice in it, but, the sweetener Coke decided to use.

It was Diet Coke with Splenda sweetener.

Fucking brilliant, I thought.

Why?

I can't drink regular diet pop because the artificial sweetener used in those drinks isn't digested properly in my body. As a result, I have very uncomfortable sessions on the can.

Splenda is the only reduced calorie sweetener that I can use without having previously mentioned side-effect.

Obviously, finding a diet pop with this in it is fucking magnificent.

If Coke decides to keep this formula, I'm so switching to diet.

I've noticed my comments are gone. I'm going to have to republish this f*#king thing again. So, yeah.

I know this isn't very deep, but, I'm not in a "deep" kinda mood right now. I will be tomorrow.

A problem with the problem page?????

I won't go there. Seriously. I could have a shit load of fun at Blogger's expense. But I won't go there. I'm way too good for my own good.

Consider yourselves warned; if you see a bunch of extra "e"-s in this post, it's because the "e" key on the bf's keyboard is stuck. Another place I won't go.

I currently don't have internet service because I forgot to give Earthlink my new credit card number. I'm not going to kick myself in my own ass, so, I'm certainly not going there. Besides, I'm considering switching to NetZero until I move in with the bf up in Madison. Basic cable is free with the new place, so, we might upgrade to broadband, which would be sweet for me, since I like to download music. Don't ask me which site, I'm not telling.

The pope is dead. Yeah, and ????

The new place and time for the Latino LGBT conference in Chicago is set. It will probably be the last one I attend before leaving for Madison.

I've decided that I'm going to move after all. What do I have to lose, really? Two brothers who I'm not really that close to, a mother that once you get down to it, I really can't stand anymore, a father who I haven't really forgiven deep down inside and friends that I really don't have?

Don't get me wrong, I've grown close to those who I've protested with because they have opened their homes and their hearts to me. I'd like to continue that in Madison. I know that there is a need for a Latino LGBT group on a state level in Wisconsin. There's a need everywhere now that LLEGO has closed it's doors.

I will miss my dear friend Deb. She's moving back up here next week for good. I will always be able to see her, since I can always take the train or a car (I should have my own by then). I plan on looking for an office job in or around Madison, since I'm truly sick of retail.

What do I have to lose, really? I'd rather take the chance to see if this will work than live with the regret of not taking it at all. I've done way too much second-guessing all of my life, and, I'm done second-guessing. I'm done being afraid.

I'm sitting here typing away at a computer that will probably be packed away this time tomorrow, in a chair that will be shuffled away into a trailer, on a desk that will be rebuilt in a different city and state. I hope to say that about my stuff in June.

The bf and I spent the day in Madison yesterday, and, I had a wonderful time. We got there around 10:30, and, we visited the store that the bf got hired at. It's a great place, really. They sell electronics and furniture, which is far more profitable than CDs, DVDs and games.

For lunch, we went to this great pub right across the street from the state capital building. I had some Coke (since I needed the caffeine) while the bf had a Kalibur (a non-alcoholic beer made by Guiness). The bf had a salmon sandwich while I chomped down on a medium-rare half-pound burger and fries. That was one damn good burger.

We went to walk around the capital building, admiring it's gorgeous architecture and we got a chance to sit in on a session of the senate. Interesting these politicians are. Self-centered, but, interesting.

I went to get cash while the bf asked for a good place for ice cream. We ended up at a place called the Chocolate Shop Homemade Ice Cream. It was cool to sit and people-watch for a bit. It was a bit disheartening for me to see that the only people on the buses were the homeless and the weird people, but, every city has those, I guess.

We walked back to the car and ended up at the U of W Arboreum, which was gorgeous to walk through. We went walking for almost 2 hours, then headed back for a dinner at a place called the Great Dane. We both had the Devil's Lake Red Lager. Dare I say it was better than Leiny's Red.

The bf and I chomped down dinner while he asked several very important questions about kids and alcohol. He asked me if we were to go out to dinner someplace with kids, would I order a drink? My response was this; I told him that if the kids were behaving just fine, I'd have a drink. If they weren't, I wouldn't order a drink simply to dull my senses to the aggravation they were causing, I would stay clear and sharp to make sure they didn't cause any more trouble.

While we were having this rather serious conversation, a cute blond girl was looking at me from behind her mother. She caught my eye, and, I started smiling and laughing at her, which made her smile and laugh in turn. There was a point where she laughed a bit too loud, but, it didn't last long. Her parents offered us the chance to adopt her for a few hours, and, we all laughed. The bf told them that we were headed back to Chicago after dinner, and, as we left, the husband wished us a good trip.

All in all, it was a good day. I had a great time, as well as the bf.

We went to bed early last night and slept for nearly nine hours. I was exhausted after doing an overnight at work, then going over to the boyfriend's place for the trip to Wisconsin with one hour's sleep. I got to sleep in the car on the way there and back, which put me at about three hours sleep.

Today involved an early wakeup call to get over to my brother's place so that the bf could get his actuator fixed, as well as his horn replaced. Getting the actuator fixed meant that the door panel could be put back on, and, the electronic lock for the door would work. Which door, you ask? The side I usually sit on, the passenger side door.

We came back to the bf's place for a nap, sex and dinner. We have a lot of sex, actually. Sometimes there times a week, sometimes only once. I only say a lot because it's more than the none I got during the entire year before I started dating the bf. I don't personally know what a lot of sex is, and, I hope to never find out.

Well, I need to get off this thing because I have to be at work tomorrow at 7am, and, we still have to drive back to my place.

I hope this post finds you well.

Don't forget, tomorrow's April 15th, which means that gay couples won't get the tax breaks that straight couples have for yet another year. Feel free to join me and others at the Main Post Office in Craptacular Downtown Chicago for a rally to inform others of that fact. It will be at 4:30-ish. Join in the fun!

And we're off........

There were several things that I did not go over in my last post that I will here.

The bf has been offered what could be a dream job. Up in Madison, Wisconsin.

Yeah, that's a dilemma.

He went on an interview last Friday night, and, he was offered a job as a project team manager. The job would entail him being responsible for revamps and remodels for his new employer's retail locations.

The company is willing to pay off his lease and pay his moving expenses to get him up there. They're even going to spot him a hotel room Saturday night so that he can tour the city.

When he gets the job, he'll get a company car and hopefully a very nice salary to go with it.

The details have yet to be worked out, and, the guy that interviewed him hasn't called back with the final details of the offer. He was supposed to call yesterday. He'll probably call today or tomorrow.

What about us?

Well, once the bf moves up there, we're going to try the long distance thing until my Chpt. 13 is paid off. Once that happens, if I can find a job up there, I'll be moving to join him.

Obviously, the distance will give us the space that we need to decide if we should move in together or not. We were planning on moving in together in June anyway. If we are still together, we'll be living together a month later than planned.

If I can't find a job up there, I don't know how long I can keep up the long distance thing on my end. At the same token, if the either the bf or I just happen to meet "someone" while we're apart, obviously, I won't be moving up there as well.

The bf will probably be off on the weekends, so, he can drive down here to spend weekends with me. I'll have to see if I can make arrangements at work so that I can have either Saturday or Sunday off to spend with him.

It will only be two months. At the same token, a lot can change in 60 days. Or, nothing could change. We'll have to see what happens.

If by mid-June we're still together, I'll probably take a week off to go job hunting in Madison. As a last resort, I could also just transfer as a part-timer to a location within my company until I find something. I'll have to see. The bf and I will have to sort it out.

On the home front, my best friend Deb will be moving back to Chicago permanently. I'm not sure if her gf will be coming with, but, I'm sure she will be.

After two weeks of worrying and sleeplessness, I'm on the rag. The car accident did some damage to me, more inside than out, and, it included knocking my cycle over two weeks. I honestly thought I was pregnant. Oy. I've never been so happy to be on the rag before in my life. This will probably be one of the few times I have a big fucking smile on my face all four days of my cycle. If I can get over this small spot of a cold I always get at the same time.

That will be fun to try to explain to the insurance company when I send in all of the paperwork from the accident.

"Yeah, my back was injured and it knocked my cycle back two weeks. Have fun with that one."

So, yeah.

Well, I'm off for now. I have dishes to wash, a duffel bag to clean out and some vinyl to copy at the bf's place, so, I'll be back in a few days.

We all face our creator sometime.....

Terri Schiavo is dead. Her suffering has ended, God bless her soul.

The Pope is dying. His kidneys and heart are failing at a rapid pace. He may be dead by the time I finish this post.

When bigoted leaders such as the Pope fall ill, I think back to the story of King Herod.

For those of you who don't know who he was, I'll enlighten you.

King Herod was one of the kings of ancient Judea; he lived from about 73 B.C. til 4 B.C. The reason why King Herod sticks out because he so boldly proclaimed himself the "King of the Jews". Legend tells of how he dressed himself in the finest robes and garments he could find. He gathered Jews who were loyal to him and paraded himself in front of them, claiming to be their King. Tragically, just a few days after that, he fell ill and died.

Some believe, as I do, that Herod was punished by God for his vanity in claiming that he was king of the Jews. If you'll note the year that Herod died, it was just around the time the Christ was born (historians say that Christ was born around 7- 4 B.C.).

It is said that Herod may have participated or aided in what was called the "Slaughter of the Innocents". Rome had ordered that every Jewish male child born two years old and younger was to be killed, so that the prophesied Messiah would not rise to his throne. As the story goes, Jesus and his parents escaped this punishment by giving birth in a manger, and, leaving soon after to live on the fringes of Judea.

When the slaughter was complete, Herod declared himself "King of the Jews" and was struck with illness soon after. It took him several long, suffering months to die, but, he did.

What does this have to do with the Pope?

The Pope's health has been deteriorating for some time now. As I type this, his heart and kidneys are failing. The Pope has been vain in his suffering, since he has shown it for the whole world to see. He believes that his suffering is divine somehow, and, has used it to manipulate people into either come into the Catholic Church or to stay, despite all of the child molested scandals.

Herod has symptoms such as;

"a fever, though not a raging fever, an intolerable itching of the whole skin, continuous pains in the intestines, tumors of the feet as in dropsy, inflammation of the abdomen, and gangrene of the privy parts."

Herod suffered too. He suffered because he assumed that he was anointed by God to be the King of the Jews. He suffered because he wasn't.

Now that Pope is suffering, and, assumes his suffering is divine somehow. He believes that he is charged by God to be some sort of Christ-figure for the 21st century.

It's a choice that is just as vain as Herod's.

Besides the rather obvious fact that the Catholic Church believes that its leader should live better than the Son of God did, it allows for vanity in suffering. I seriously wonder if the church even sees things this way.

I just can't help but wonder what might have happened if the Pope hadn't gone and said that a Jihad against gay marriage rights was going to be the top priority of the church this year.

As for another Leader of the Bigots here stateside, Jerry Falwell, he is recovering and has been upgraded from critical to serious, although he is still on a ventilator.

I have been receiving emails celebrating Falwell's illness, but, I will not join in the cheer. I cannot stoop to the level of bigots and wish death on them as they wish on LGBT folk, myself included.

I will not give best wishes, but, I will not spread ill will either.