Time to play catch-up again.......

It's been well over a week since I've posted something. Suffice to say that I've had my hands full, sort of.

The bf and I are doing well. As well as we can, anyway.

Last weekend was rather uneventful, we spent some time together and stuff. But. I'll start with Monday.

Monday, 6:55am. My mom called in sick to work because she sounded and looked like shit. She was as sick as a dog. So. she let me have the car for the day.

At that time, I was sitting at an intersection, just waiting for the light to turn green when....

WHAM!!!!

I was rear-ended by a Ford F250 with a snow plow attached to the front. Apparently the guy thought that all of the signals turned green, not just the left hand turn arrow. It wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that I was driving a 1997 Saturn SL2. It's a small fucking car people.

We pulled off to the side to exchange info. As the day went on, I was grateful that I had.

I got to work late, and, punched in late because I was on the phone with the other driver's insurance company. Fun stuff.

As the day went on, I started to feel some back pain. I figured it was going to happen, so, I just worked through it. By noon, I was telling my manager that I needed to leave because the small back pain I had radiated to the front of my chest, and, it was painful to breathe. Scared the shit out of me.

There was nothing serious, though. Just a bunch of sore muscle. I had an EKG and a chest x-ray to make sure. Reported it as an injury from a car accident.

Got to the ER around 1pm and finally didn't leave until after 5pm. Ugh.

I called the bf as I was leaving only to discover that he was on suspension. He was writing his statement while we talked.

What happened?

The bf and an asshole named Walter were standing outside of the conference room of the hotel that they were training at.

I've known Walter for years. through my mom. She was his boss, and, had him on a final warning by the time she left the store they worked at together. She found herself a better paying job, which was more secure.

Unfortunately. I also worked with Walter. He got his job at Best Bitch right before his conviction for credit card fraud. Nice. He and I had an episode as well.

He and I were asked to appear at the regional office for what was called an "intervention". This is a meeting that you have with the district staff to explain what you are going to do to fix your crappy company rank. No biggie. I brought everything I needed to explain what was wrong and how I was going to fix the things wrong. Walter brought nothing but excuses and bullshit. Simply put, he blamed me for not being prepared.

Such as asshole.

So. getting back to the story, the bf and Walter were standing around at the hotel when Walter started his "shit". Walter started trash talking the bf and a fellow team member. The bf asked him to cool it, it was getting to be a bit much. Walter then stated that the bf was sleeping with said team member (implying the the bf was gay). The bf asked Walter once again to stop or he would throw his drink on Walter.

Walter laid into him even more, so, the bf threw his apple cider at Walter, just like he said he was going to. Walter then grabbed the bf by the throat and slammed him up against a wall. There were other guys there that broke all of this up.

Walter, being "Mr. Macho" that he is, then proceeded to take his sorry, sissy ass over to a manager and decided to be a little girly tattle-tale. He informed the two managers that were there what happened, and, both the bf and Walter were put on suspension.

Absolute fucking genius he is.

Now they both are fired.

His I.Q. knows no depths, let me tell you.

How do I know that Walter got fired?

A couple of weeks before this went down, Walter came in with his daughters to sell Girl Scout cookies. Even I ordered some, having a soft spot for Scout cookies, since I was one growing up. I order a couple of boxes, and, found out that I only paid when I got them.

Friday, Saturday and yesterday, Walter's wifey and his daughters were outside of the grocery store next to us selling boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

Terminated employees cannot enter Best Bitch property for a period of 90 days after their termination unless they were terminated for theft. In that case, they are forced to sign an agreement that they will never enter Best Bitch property again.

So, it was sell them or eat them for Walter. Nice going, dumbass.

Anyway, the bf found out he was fired Tuesday morning and drove back to my store to let me know. The bf was sweet enough to pick me up from work and took care of me the rest of the week, since my back and my left side were killing me. I'm on 600mg of ibuprofin 3x a day until the pain goes away.

My mom's car will be taken care of, and, I'm just waiting for the hospital bill to come so that I can settle. When I do, I will probably go so far as to ask if the bf could get some money too since he took care of me during my rest period. I'm not completely healed yet, but, I'm getting there. The pain has moved from my left side (front and back) to my upper then lower back. Plain rest has been good for me.

Today, I am typing this at the bf's parent's place, since they asked him to swing by and do some plastering and to be here for a painting that his mom bought while she was down in New Orleans for a education conference.

So, that's it. Now that I've caught up on this thing, I'll have to make some phone calls to play catch-up with everyone else.

Fun stuff.

Blogs that I've loved are gone, and, others will be leaving soon.

The funeral for my boss's mother was today. That's it I guess. He's holding up the best he can, given his situation. He has a son and a fiancee, after all.

I'm home alone tonight. Part convenience, part "revenge". I'll explain later.

Had to get a ride home from work tonight from a co-worker. CTA is cutting service, despite their plans for a direct line to O'Hare from downtown for the fucking lazy-asses who don't want to hop to the Blue Line from the Red. Lazy asses.

Last, but certainly not least, an email with even more dreaded news.

It's not HIV anymore. It's full blown AIDS.

I'm awake in my chair at my apartment while the bf is probably sleeping in his bed at his apartment.

What will I do if we move in together? Crawl under one of the set of chairs that's probably worth $6K or more and cry myself to sleep? Lock myself in a closet? Take up smoking again? Invest in cases of 3 buck Chuck?

Is my life so strange and weird from others, or, am I taking all of this a little too hard?

I need time, I guess.

Just a short one.

Saturday night we went to Kampai for a Valentine's dinner of sorts. It was a wonderful experience, although Japanese Hibatchi holds up okay when reheated.

Yesterday, I received a wonderful bouquet of flowers from the bf for Valentine's Day. He could have given me nothing and I still would have been happy.

Leaving his place yesterday, I felt like I was leaving home to go someplace else.

I walked back into my apartment and it felt like I was someplace else, certainly not "home".

The past week+ at the bf's was a wonderful experience. For all the ups and downs, the boredom and the excitement, it was worth every second. I wouldn't change it for the world.

It was the best week I've had in a long time.

Thank you.

When it rains, it pours......

So, overall, the week+ with the bf had gone well. Until Saturday....

Saturday morning started with a visit to my therapist, which went well, considering I was late.

I participated in the protest in front of Moody Bible/Cardinal George's residence. It went well, and, we had the attention of just about every major news channel in Chicago. On the national level, it was tied into the one year anniversary of marriage licenses handed out to S.F. couples by Gavin Newsome.

Before the protest, A pulled me off to the side to let me know that he had tested HIV+. I was shocked to say the least. I know that A had been promiscuous in the past, but, he's had the same partner for at least 6 years (that I know of).

Wow.

But my day was about to get even better!

I hadn't discussed any of my previous entry with the bf; my bad. It was about to bite me in the ass.

He announced that he was going to visit my blog while he was online Saturday night, and, in my carelessness, I told him that I had updated it. No, it wasn't carelessness, I wanted him to read it, and, in turn, I wanted to be confronted with what it said.

I didn't know how to tell him what it said without breaking down and balling my eyes out. I view crying as a weakness when you're trying to explain something like that. I'm always afraid that the emotion I'm showing or the physical act of crying itself will diminish the power of the words I'm saying.

I've never liked confrontation, a a matter of fact, I hate it with a deep passion. I've never seen a good end-result of confrontation, especially with my parents. Confrontation always meant fighting and fighting always meant that someone was going to get hurt, particularly my mom. Problems worked themselves out through bruises, cursing and broken items.

I have a deep-seeded fear that rises up inside of me when I'm in a position of confrontation. It is greater than the typical fight-or-flight response that comes up. I don't see confrontation in the levels of grey that other people seem them in; I see all confrontation as a challenge, just as my father did.

The discussion itself wasn't bad at all in the sense that there was no yelling, no raised voices, no threats. It was just two adults working something out. In the bf's words, we were sorting it out.

It hurt him that I didn't talk to him about any of this, and I apologized for that.

After all of it, I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I was due back at work Sunday morning, and the bf let me borrow his car. He didn't get up with me in the morning, and, I sure didn't blame him for it. I don't think I'd want to put up with me after something like this either.

But my morning nad my weekend was about to go from bad to worse.

I got to work on time, which was a miracle considering the fact that I left the bf's place about 30 minutes before the start of my shift. As I walked to the front door, the sales manager came to unlock it. I thought that was strange in itself because sales managers don't like to be up at 7am. I quickly found out why.

"Did you hear about H's mother?" he asked.

"No" I said.

"His mother died last week. It was unexpected."

My manager and H are very close. That would explain why he wasn't there.

I spent the rest of my shift trying not to break down and cry. It was incredibly hard.

The bf called around 3 to see if I was headed home. I told him that I was scheduled until 3:30, so I'd be leaving then.

My shift finally ended, and, as I walked out towards the car, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just started crying. It was a good thing it was raining, so, people probably thought it was raindrops on my face.

I cried on and off in the car on the way back to the bf's, and, let it all out while walking into the apartment. I dumped myself on the bed and cried. They always say that bad things happen in threes. Yep.

The bf was infinitely supportive of me, which actually shocked me, considering I was flat out disrespectful of him just the day before. I needed that.

I'm still here at his place, since I'm off today as well.

All I will say is that I am very lucky to have him for a boyfriend.

I need to sign off for now, since I've got dishes to wash, a little straightening up and some final packing to do.

Greetings from Happyville

Hello to my lovely fans!

This is day 7 of 9 days that I am planning on staying with the bf. Things are going well here. It does help that I am on vacation though. I've been helping out around the place, cleaning, buying groceries and doing some cooking.

I think that we'd both get a better gauge of how and even if we can live together if we were both working. The problem is, I don't have a car. The bf has been entrusting me with his the past several days, and, was impressed with how I handled his car just yesterday afternoon while I was driving back from the train station.

We went to see Blue Man Group Saturday night, and, it was an awesome show. If you can go see it, go! It made for a very interesting observation, though.

A few moments after the bf and I were seated, a German couple sat down next to us. This was cool for the bf, since he was able to brush up on his German. The only problem was that he spent more time talking to the cute blond woman than her boyfriend.

As the show started, the German couple snuggled close together, and, the bf kept leaning towards her. His body language clearly stated that he was infinitely more interested in her than me.

This wouldn't bother me so much but for the fact that the tickets for the show were a birthday present to me. The tickets were expensive (especially on my mom's salary), and, I had hoped that the bf would show a bit more appreciation for that fact.

His behavior has made me seriously question several things. First, from now on, I think that I will seriously question whether I should take him someplace that costs a good amount of money if he can't show any appreciation for it. I know for a fact that there are several people who read this blog that would probably have appreciated my gift more than he did. Second, its made me question whether I'm putting too much emotional energy into this relationship too soon. It's made me wonder if I'm taking this too seriously at such an early point in our relationship.

Don't get me wrong, we both look at women when we're out together. We even go over good and bad points about the women we look at. He knows I've been with women in the past, and, that I'm still attracted to them. What bothered me was the fact that his body language dramatically shifted away from me and stayed away from me. That's what bothered me.

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, let me continue.

We went out for dinner Monday night. I had the duck over rice. I've never had duck before, and, it doesn't taste like chicken; it kinda tasted like turkey. Seriously.

We've watched the first two Harry Potter movies, and, hopefully, we'll watch the third tonight. Tomorrow, I'll be leaving with the bf on the train in the morning. He's always said that I'm "killing" him because I've never taken Metra before. Apparently, he assumes that it's a rite of passage for being a Chicagoan. Naturally, I had to correct him and say that riding the "L" is the rite of passage for city folk. Metra is a suburban thing.

I'll have the day to wander around downtown and visit old stomping ground, so to speak. I'll meet back up with him, then we'll head back to his place.

All in all, this week has been good to me and for me. Its helped me realize where I am in my life and in the bf's. Its helped me realize that I can in fact function on my own, and, live with someone else who isn't a relative.

More importantly, I got my income tax refund over the weekend, and, I've spent the money on stuff I needed and what the bf needed (I got him two pairs of black jeans for work), not on what I wanted or what the bf wanted. I've realized that happiness comes from the company you keep, not from how much you spend on them.

This is an important revelation for me. In the past, I've spent way to much money trying to be happy without realizing how empty it would make me feel afterwards. I've done a good job of screwing myself over and I don't plan on doing it again.

As for today, I've realized that the bf's keyboard sucks ass, and, I'll be ending this entry. It sucks to have to pound on the keys or the space bar. Sometimes the keys stick too. Ick.

I hope this past week has found everyone well, especially Connie, who is by all appearances, recovering very well from her surgery. I haven't read her blog lately, or anybody's blog for that matter, since this is the first time I've been online all week.

Have a good day everyone, and, I'll be posting here again soon.

Memories, all alone in the moonlight.....

Getting you all up to speed.

I will be spending the next week plus at the bf's place. We're considering it a trial run for living together.

Living with someone I'm dating scares the shit out of me. Dating someone you aren't living with is easy; they don't see you all the time. You can hide such bad habits like nose-picking and lethal fart dropping. Living together, you put up with each other at times you may not want to speak to another human being. There are times that you'll probably be sick of seeing the other person.

What if he gets sick of me so soon? What if he decides that he doesn't want to date me after this week together? Why am I worrying about this shit?

I'll just take it one day at a time. Saturday will be a good day for us, since we will be going to see the Blue Man Group, and, since I'll have my tax refund, I'll be able to treat the bf (but mostly myself) to a nice dinner. I'll have to do some arm-twisting to see if I can get him to take me someplace to get my hair cut. It needs to be trimmed in the worst way.

Sunday may not be so good, since we'll be heading over to my friend G's place, and, Hippie Phone Boy will be there to leer at the bf once more.

But, on to the memories part.....

The bf was at a store today and filled out an application for a position there. He ended up talking to a woman that I have not seen in years. There is a reason why. But, I'll have to begin from the beginning, as always.

About 6 years ago, I was transferred to the location that I work at now. I was transferred there as a supervisor. Having had the chance to prove my ability to "fix" broken stores, I was asked to transfer here.

The store was a disaster. The GM was a huge asshole. I even tested his stupid self the first week I was there. During a morning meeting, he pointed out multiple people that were out of uniform. I was one of those people, but, it was intentional. You see, I had just moved into my current apartment the day before, and, intentionally forgot to put on a belt to see what he would say.

He asked if anyone who was out of uniform wanted to explain why they were not in dress code. I raised my hand. With a huge smurk on his face, he says to me "So, what's your excuse for not being in uniform?" I told him that I had just moved the day before, and, couldn't find my belts. "Oh, you moved" he said with a snicker and a sarcastic tone, " well, isn't that a pathetic excuse?" He snickers and turns to the Assistant Manager standing next to him and says matter-of-factly, "I guess we'll have to accept that."

Who was the manager standing next to him? The woman I just mentioned. Great first impression. Working for a company as large as mine, you get used to managers who go along with the flow instead of saying that something was wrong.

But that isn't what made me distrust her and feel disgusted around her. What she did in the next part is.

Soon after I was promoted out of this store to the manager position I held for a whopping 9 months, she was promoted too. I'll call her W. She was a GM in training when this shit went down.

As I said before, I was moved to this store originally because I've proven my ability to "fix" broken stores. Along with myself came a new crowd of managers, and, by the grace of a little ass-kissing, W kept her job. One of these managers was one of the best guys I have ever had the pleasure of working for, and if I ever get the chance to work with him again, I would jump at it in a heartbeat. People at the store began calling him "Uncle Dunkel". I'll just call him "Uncle".

He was the cool guy that would bring his porn to work, and wouldn't show it if anyone was going to be offended. Since he knew that I was openly gay (at the time, now I'm openly bi), I had no problem with it. He was everybody's friend, and, a retail thief's worst enemy.

Together with the other managers, we cleaned up house inside & outside of the building. We fired the employed thieves and stopped the outside ones from getting in. It was sweet.

Anyway, Uncle had a solid reputation with the staff; we all loved him. It was hard to walk away from that store, but I did, and it was for the better. But so did W.

It was during the they worked together as equals that I saw what W was doing. She relentlessly hit on Uncle from all sides. She wanted to bed him something bad. He kept telling her no, saying that he was a married man and loved his wife very much. Which he did.

Understand that Uncle is a very attractive man, and, if I were straight at the time, I would have had a huge crush on him like no one's business. W is also a very attractive woman. If she were bi, I would have totally asked her out and tried to have sex with her.

W wanted Uncle, and, she couldn't have him. Uncle and I thought that she had gotten over it until she filed a sexual harassment claim against him that resulted in him getting fired.

That's right folks, she couldn't get what she wanted, so, she got him fired.

Uncle didn't tell his wife why he got fired because it would have caused more problems than it would have solved.

But that's as far as I got with the story when I was telling the bf. I figure he's either going to read this or I'm going to tell him, so he'll know the end either way.

Several months after getting fired, Uncle came back to the store during his unemployment claim and got statements from several employees who witnessed W's harassment of Uncle and used that to his advantage.

A time after that, Uncle's wife filed for divorce, probably because she suspected an affair that never happened "happened". She called the store to find out why he had gotten fired and basically screamed at W, calling her every name in the book. W deserved to be called all those names I'm sure, but, not for the reason that Uncle's wife was doing it for.

Uncle snuck back into the store one day and ended up making lunch-time plans with several employees. After lunch, just for shits and giggles, Uncle decided to call W, in the presence of the employees and ask her a few questions.

He asked her why she did it. Her response, "You know why". He asked her if she cared about what she did. Her response, "You made me do it". He asked her how he made her do "it". Her response, "Because you wouldn't go out with me." He told her that he was single now, he was free; his wife was divorcing him. Her response, "I'm not going to go out with you now."

He asked her why.

Her response,

"Because you're not married anymore."

She's one for the conquest, not for the prize.

When I heard that he had gotten fired, I cried. No, I bawled my eyes out, I cried so much. There are only two other managers that I cried about when something bad had happened to them. One of those managers committed suicide after an "intervention" at the regional office. The other one got fired just four months after he had packed up his shit and his immediate family and moved to Atlanta.

When you chase a dream and a vision, that's all you get in the end, images of what you desired haunting you, not the things you need in front of you or by your side.

Sometimes people are too oblivious to the fact that they have a good thing in front of them, and, they chase dreams and visions, and end up with nothing but nothing in the end.

The people we love to hate....

I'm bored. I'm incredibly bored.

My mom just spent the past 20 minutes nearly standing over my shoulder telling me how she's not like my dad.

She told me about how she gives me rides to work.
Just like my dad would.

She told me about how she's helping me out with my half of the rent because my check got shorted this month.
Just like my dad would.

She compared herself to my dad and went over all the ways she is better than my dad.
Just like my dad would.

She went over all of the material ways that she's been "helping" me out.
Just like my dad would.

All the while claiming that this was an "apology" for what she said about me earlier.

What started this in the first place?

I was on my cell earlier this evening with the bf and my mom yelled into my room saying "...while your stupid self didn't do anything today" while I was talking.

Just like my dad did to me (when I was younger).

But something different happened this time around; this time, I called her on it.
Soon after, she asked me to put her clothes in the dryer for her. I told her I couldn't do it because I'm too stupid. While I was still on the phone with the bf.
She walked off without a single word to say.

But she's nothing like my dad. Maybe on her fucking planet she isn't.

July 30th. That's all I'm going to keep thinking at this point. That's when my lease expires. That's when I'm getting the fuck out of here.

Your regularly scheduled post will return in a few days.