The Politics of Semantics or
Differences of the Ages or
Whachoo talkin' about Willis?

I'll let you pick the title. Just read the post first.

This will be part one of two. I feel compelled to create these posts because one of the topics is the source of a dilemma that is close to me, simply because of the big personal choice I've made over the past 9 months.

Let's begin.

Last night, for almost three hours, 11 people were crammed into a small conference room with the purpose of finally coming up with a name and creating a mission/purpose statement for the Latino LGBT forum that was started up back in March of this year.

Last night, we finally did it.

FINALLY!

The intense discussion brought up two very valid points; number one, what is the definition of the word "queer", and the other being what the concept of identity is and how does each individual applies it to themselves within the LGBTQQ community.

Let's begin with number one (number two will come tomorrow).

What is the definition of the word "queer"?

To about half of the people in the room, it was just another word for "being gay".

But, to the other half, it meant something more.

I personally saw that the confusion came from the age difference of the people in the discussion.

Queer=being gay was the definition held by those 30+

Queer=something else was the definition held by those under 30.

I don't mention the fact that I saw the age difference because I'm better, I mention it because I can. You see, I work with a lot of people who are usually 25 and under, so, I believe it has given me a different perspective, and, the ability to "translate" between the age gap. I do sincerely hope that I can keep this ability, cause Lord knows I'm gonna need it when I have kids.

But, I want to look at the concept of "queer" being something bigger.

I believe that the word "queer" as much more power than many my age in the community give it.

I have seen not only the accepted definition of the word change, but, even my own perception of it.
I have come to accept the word "queer" to encompass even the most fringe, and, to some, the biggest stretches of our concepts of lesbian, gay, bi or trans.

Queer can now encompass our leatherfolk kin, men loving men, women loving women, those who genderfuck, cross-dress, BDSM folk, drags of all kinds, lesbians who get off an gay porn & sex, gays who get off an lesbian porn & sex, gays who only date men who dress up as women in public, and others I just can't name here because I either haven't heard the term yet, or, I haven't heard of the concept yet.

Even some of the terms I just used require explanation. This is why there is such a strong attachment to the word "queer".

In our society, we regard things, habits, rituals, etc that are not deemed "normal" as "queer".

Just as in the larger "normal" society, members of the LGBT community have taken a shining to things that are regarded as "normal". Let me provide a few LGBT examples.....

Lesbians only love women, so, you shouldn't "get off" on gay porn

Butches only date femmes

Femmes only date butches

Butches don't get their nails done

Femmes always "dress up"

Anything that we find that deviates from this we find to be "different", or, "queer". And sometimes not even accepted.

*****************************************************************

I know that in this passage, I'm only just working from the tip of the iceberg, but, I hope that it clarifies why there is such a need for the term "queer" in our community. There are groups that are fringe beyond fringe. I'm not saying that we all get along; it's quite the opposite, really. What I am saying is that we all exist.

I'll provide myself as an example.

I have short hair - butch

I wear women's clothes - femme

I get my eyebrows done - femme

I shave my legs - femme

I sometimes wear make-up - femme

I wear boxers - butch

I prefer men's shoes - butch

I wear men's jeans - butch

So... am I a butch or femme? Do my habits fuck with your sense of the spectrum?

Do I care about your answers?

No. If you felt compelled to answer the first question, then neither you nor the answer are important to me. I want you to know me and accept me, not shove me in whatever asinine fucking category you want to put me in.

Shoving someone in a category is much easier than getting to know them...is it human nature that compels us to do so, or just our laziness?

Part two tomorrow.

Ooo, la la....

People of the blogworld, or, just those who read this...I have an announcement to make!

I had my hair cut. Not just trimmed, but cut. I had the stylist cut off a year and a half worth of hair; it was growing past my shoulders. My hair is now no longer than 2 inches in any given place.

That's a spicy meat-a-ball!

I did this Saturday, on my day off, so when I went back to work on Sunday for a meeting, and everybody had the same thing to say......

"You cut your hair!"

Talk about stating the obvious.

My raise is in full swing, and, I'm already beginning to clamp down on team members. I've already had to issue two write-ups, and, a post-up.

It's all fun stuff.

I'm off the next couple of days and have no plans to be at home for as much time as possible. I was awakened this morning by the sounds of jackhammers ripping apart sidewalk cement blocks, and, will probably find myself awakened by the same jackhammers tomorrow tearing apart the street.

All of this sudden rebuilding I suspect has something to do with the thing my mom calls the "monstrosity", also known as the three level condo place that's been being built since last year.

The company building this place has shut down a major access street near my house so many times I've lost count. They've also torn up that same street so many times that I can't count those either. More recently, they've needed to actually dig up the entire street for a solid block all the way down to the sewage pipes.

To say that this has inconvenient is an understatement; it's been a pain in the ass. Too boot, it's a three story building, which requires a special rather expensive permit from my town. Three story buildings are not common where I live; I personally live in only one of five for a three block stretch of my street.

All this noise will definitely drive me to the city for the next several days, as I am headed there tonight for a meeting.

So, I guess to make amends for the fuss, the company is sponsoring sidewalk resurfacing, and, our street being redone as well.

Nice.

Yep, you would think I still lived in Chicago........

I need to be quick about this, since I have a session with my therapist tomorrow at 9am.

My day at work started shitty, but, ended on a wonderful high note.

When I logged into my "account" at work, I not only discovered that the title next to my name on the screen had changed to my new "senior" title, my pay also shot up over $2 an hour!

WOOHOO!!!

The mommie and I grabbed her bf, and she took us out to dinner to celebrate, and is letting me have her car this weekend, bitch and moan free!

YEAH!!!

I stopped off at the grocery store to get some very much needed supplies, I decided to skip on buying fast, crap food and just simply paying for my groceries. As I was walking out, I decided to put the last two dollars in my wallet into the lottery machine to buy two $1 instant tickets.

I am now up $11.

I RULE!!!

Now, my day would only be complete if I were to win that $97 million dollar lottery.

But, I shouldn't push my luck. Really.

Snickle Chickenface

I've been completely uninspired to finish my last post, so, I simply deleted it.

I'll sum up the essence of it all for you.

Volunteered at Market Days with my group, the following weekend, I went to Six Flags and got the shit scared out of me five times over. I went on the Superman, the Ragin' Cajun, the Raging Bull, Deja Vu and Chubasco.

I will say that the Deja Vu was the one that scared the shit out of me the most. It's a 90 degree drop, and, gets as fast as almost 70 mph. You can do the math from there.

But this past week has been interesting, to say the least.

The new manager of Temps got canned after working there for about two months. Turns out she was opening her big mouth and bragging to other people about how she bought the place, when in fact she was just managing it. And apparently, she wasn't doing a very good job, either, since she drove away most of the usual clientele after only one week.

She brought in a crowd of younger women, which is nice to look at, but, the new younger generations tend to be a bit more frugal with their money, so, most of them already came in with a buzz going, and, didn't buy a lot of drinks.

Let me out it another way....

When I would go to Temps, I'd stay for about 2-3 hours. In that time, I would get 3 or 4 drinks. This "new crowd" would already be there when I got in, and, would stay after I leave, and, would buy the same number of drinks during that time. Less money coming in would concern the owner, of course.

This would explain why she didn't "work out".

She's now headed over to some bar on the south side that has even less business than Temps, and, she took the best looking female bartender with her....SHIT!

Anywho....

C has moved into her new place (condo) and is loving it. The only glitch she had was with her Scamcost. They charged her for service at her old place, even after she turned her cable off, and, they sent out not one, not two, but three idiots who could not/would not get her cable/ISP service going.

So, she told them to take their modem and the rest of their shit, and, cancel her service altogether.

She then called RCN, who came several days later, and, installed her cable/ISP. The guy didn't leave until her shit worked. That's customer service.

On the home front....

I had to officially interview for the senior spot in my store. I did that Monday night, and, got the position. It doesn't go into affect until the week after next, due to the fact that we are in the middle of a pay period.

Turns out the sup is excited to have me come over, which is great. It's always good to have the support of the leadership. But then I'll have the rather bitter ex-senior to deal with. That's fine, though. I can deal with that.

Today is just a lay back and chill day. Deb will be over to partake of grilling, and then we'll be off to celebrate my promotion by taking in a movie.

I've got phone calls to make and quarters to get, so, I'll be off for now.

I've been meme'd......

My previously scheduled post has been pre-empted by a meme tag. I really need to learn how not to scroll down people's blogs to catch up on posts.....

What I was doing ten years ago

Hmmmm..... Ten years ago, I was just coming out, and, having to deal with an older woman (almost 20 years older) wanting to be my "first"

What I was doing five years ago

Five years ago, I was settling into the apartment I live in now

What I was doing one year ago

One year ago I joined Equal Marriage NOW!, which has since been the catalyst for my involvement with the Gay Liberation Network and my renewed passion for "street" activism.

Yesterday

I got up, made myself a very nice breakfast before going off to work

5 snacks I enjoy

Pringles, microwave popcorn, bananas, cereal and blue corn chips

5 songs I know all the words to

Justin Timberlake "Cry Me a River", Boom Boom Satellites "Dive for You", Backstreet Boys "Incomplete", The Killers "Smile Like You Mean It", Coldplay "The Scientist"

5 things I would do with $100 million

I would get myself a bachelor's degree in something, invest some for long-term, bail my mom out of all or her bills, then do the same for my dad (since at age 53 he has three more kids) and spend the rest of my life pissing off the conservatives....

5 locations I would like to run away to

There are none. Please read my 11/06/04 post.

5 bad habits I have

I pick my nose, I silent-fart and try to get someone else blamed for it, I drink too much pop, I don't brush my teeth twice a day everyday, and I constantly leave dishes in the sink

5 things I like doing

hanging out with friends, shopping while working, talking to my manager, sessions with my therapist, being out on the street doin' my thing

5 things I would never wear

Corduroy, linen, high heels, a thong, a dog collar

5 TV shows I like

Frasier, The Simpsons, MacGuyver, Dynasty, all of the L&O shows

5 biggest joys of the moment

My bag of Turtle Mix flavored Chex Mix, the ride I received to the train station from a woman I have my eye on, my checkbook is balanced, my hamper isn't overflowing, our space we rent in the garage is clean

5 favorite toys

My vibrator (duh!), my PS2, my PC, my MP3 player, my flexibility



I won't tag anyone, simply because I don't have anyone to tag since I haven't been reading blogs for weeks now, but, if anyone who reads this wants to put this in their blog, just leave me a comment to let me know you blog addy.

I'll be back tomorrow.

Yes, I know that I have not posted here in several weeks. Yes, I know that is very bad.

And yes, I do have a lot of catch up on with you folks, including several revelations, a couple of emails, Market Days and a trip to Six Flags Great America for a company outing with my mom's employer.

And yes, I will be back either tonight or tomorrow before work to tell you about all of this.

I'm such a wuss.....

I've been hiding in my air-conditioned bedroom for the past several days. I haven't gone out to do much except eat, shower, brush my teeth and seatings on the can.

I am doing laundry, since I have to change my clothing twice a day due to the weather, and, I don't have much left to wear that isn't black. I have way too much fucking black in my wardrobe. It's like I'm a permanent Johnny Cash convention resident or I'm in eternal mourning or something. It's just sick.

My lack of non-work movement has made me gain five pounds back. Ugh.

Last night was interesting, though. I got a chance to go over what happened over the past several meetings with the El Foro forum, and get feedback, as well as opinions so that I can figure out what, if anything, I should further do within this forum. I received some great feedback from angles that I hadn't honestly looked at (mostly because I am out), as well as advice as to what I should do, if anything.

It's frustrating for me because I want to do something..NOW! The self-appointed "steering committee" holds the belief that time should be taken in this matter, meanwhile, we as a community have given the bigots well over ten years to regroup and organize.

I myself have been ignorant of the goings-on of LLEGO, and, was just as shocked to hear about its closing as many other Hispanics in the city.

I honestly believe that someone had to know what was going on. Someone had to know the dire state of the finances at LLEGO. I believe that this forum is a reaction, and not a pro-action.

When a reaction is put into place, it is quick, swift and sudden. The players involved know what they are doing, and, have ample control. They know what kind of manpower, resources, and processes it will take to get something like this going.

They won't be sure how to maintain it, since that will be decided by participation, but, they can start it.

What frustrates me the most about all of this is that there is still no name and no mission/purpose statement, even after a total of nine meetings by the self appointed steering committee.

It's all swirling in my head right now, and, it's still a but much.

Something interesting, though. There was a member of one of the groups that originally called this forum at the meeting. His "solution" to my dilemma was simple enough.......

" Just stop going. If they aren't doing what you want to do, then just don't go anymore."

My point is that they aren't doing anything at all.

It's a valid point, no?

So, do you like?

New template, you see.

It's now August 1st 2005, and, this is not where I pictured myself in life.

The days and months pass, and I barely even notice them anymore. To me, they've become another month, another year gone by.

I think I age, but, I just don't see it. Day after day of staring at the same face will do that to you.

Anyway....

Now that we are nearing the end of summer, we come upon the last event of Gaydom in the homo Mecca that is BoysTown in Chicago.....

North Halsted Market Days

You find the dykes, grrls, lesbos, golden pussy club members, butches, babys, women, womyn, mommies, bi folk, leather folk, bois, fags, gays, metros, daddies, trans, cross dressers, queers, tops, bottoms, Sirs, masters, slaves.....

And they don't just come out at night either, people.

I'll be joining in the festivities by volunteering some time in my group's booth. GLN will have a booth just north of the 7-11 at Halsted & Roscoe. I'm not sure if we will be sharing it with EMN as we did last year, but, we'll see. I'll be there Sunday from 11 to 3pm, then I'll be off to take in some sights, sounds and food.

As for D, she's been sick with a wonderful combination of pneumonia and an ear infection. She's currently on anti-biotics and pain-killers (I think), and, sounding better already. Her doctor might not be able to give her an "all clear" for work for another five days or so; we'll see.

As for me, I'll find out if I got the promotion sometime this week, Wednesday or Thursday it sounds like. I've been adjusting to working day side again slowly but surely.