My apologies for not posting here for days, but, I've been fighting the flu. Several days ago, I lost and have been heading to my bed every day after coming home from work.

When you see a good thing.....

You buy it..............

I am so buying this when I get paid next Friday!

Ay Carumba!

I can now let out a collective sigh of relief. The march is done.

I was sick Sunday, and, it really hit me yesterday. I came home last night and crawled into my room and stayed there. I fell asleep by 8:30pm and was still 10 minutes late for work this morning.

I am feeling better now, and, I'm de-congesting, which is a nasty process. If there is a better way to get rid of left-over mucus besides hacking up a lugie at the worst possible times and blowing your nose all day, I'd love to know what it is.

But, I'm off for now and headed to bed soon.

Welcome to the 2005 Edition of the Matthew Shepard March!

I emc'd the first half, along with the lovely Andy Thayer. I was given a few moments to speak about my involvement with Orgullo en Accion, and, why it was formed.

I then introduced our two lovely co-chairs to speak, which they did for about 5 minutes, due to the fact that we started late.

We marched for about a half hour or so, and then finished our program.

The program went well, and, the weather was good. We featured speakers from Sangat, ProGay Philippines, Religious Coalition for the Freedom to Marry and Equal Marriage NOW!

The march was the best part, as always. I've always personally loved watching those Wrigleyville-ites get all worked up about a bunch of queers marching through their neighborhood. Last year, we had a bunch of drunk macho-ass straight guys come out of bars and try to go after us.

This year all we got were stares of disbelief, and, we actually got some applause. The last part shocked me.

Here are a few pics of us visiting Wrigleyville;

The great part was seeing my group's banner being carried in the march as well....

I got such a rush telling the group that we were headed into "Straightville". Their eyes got a little bugged out, but, nothing happened, not even the flash of middle fingers.

Overall, it was a great experience.

When I spoke, I was worried that I didn't make sense, when in fact I did. I was worried that I didn't have a point, but, I did.

I was honored to be part of such an event because of the diversity involved this year. I enjoyed the fact that we had a speaker representing the "other point of view" in the murder of Haroon Paryani.

For those of you that don't know, Haroon Paryani was the cab driver murdered earlier this year in BoysTown, with his own cab. A man named Michael L. Jackson has been charged with his murder. Mr. Jackson apparently ran over Mr. Paryani with Paryani's own cab not once, not even twice, but three times. To me, that repeated action shows intent.

To add insult to injury, or in this case, death, friends of Mr. Jackson anonymously started up a website, soliciting information from individuals as to whether they have had bad experiences with Mr. Paryani in the past. I don't care how bad your experience is with a cabbie, that doesn't justify running them over with their own cab, three times, and then striking two other cars while you're fleeing the scene.

Rumor has it that Mr. Jackson was high on Meth when he was booked. As for the site that was started by Jackson's friends, who even today are still anonymous (fucking cowards, but, then again, bigots usually are), has long since been taken down.

Bigots turn up in some of the most amazing (not in a good way) places.

Overall, life is good. I've been busy with work, and my groups. Now that the march has blown over, so to speak, things will settle a bit. Deb has found a full-time job (Go Deb!), and, things are getting better at work.

To end this entry though, I have to say this. At our very late dinner last night (at Nookies), I heard something that broke my heart, and proved that some people shouldn't be allowed to join anything. I won't say what it is because it's not public yet, but, it's still heartbreaking nonetheless.

Yep, it' me.....

The past several days have included trips to BoysTown to hand out flyers for the Matthew Shepherd March this Saturday, and, meeting after meeting, with a birthday party thrown in. I'm now existing on about five hours sleep, and, I still have more flyers to hand out, but in Andersonville today.

I volunteered to print and pass out flyers for my other group, Orgullo en Accion. I'm printing them right now. On bland white paper, because it's all I have. On my high quality $37 HP printer. They're handbills, so, I still have to cut the sheets in half. woohoo

I'll go on about this stuff later, since I still have laundry to do, and, I plan on stopping off at Office Depot to make copies of the GLN flyer on colored paper.

But for now, I'd like to focus on something that I discovered, courtesy of a longtime read, Girlfag. I took a test at colorquiz.com, and got some interesting results, some valid, some not so valid. Here they are;

Your Existing Situation
Unable to exert the effort to achieve her objectives. Feels neglected, desiring greater security, warm affection, and fewer problems.

Neglected, no. Greater security, in what sense? Do I wish to find that "someone" to come home to, have children with, etc? Yes, but, I can't hurry that, and, I won't settle.


Your Stress Sources
Seeks independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoids obligations or anything which might prove hampering. She is being subjected to considerable pressure and wants to escape from it so that she can obtain what she needs, but tends to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this.

Yes, I can do more, but what the test doesn't know is that I'm constantly broke until after January, when I finally get out of my Chapter 13. As for the pressure, please, I secretly love it. Pressure drives me.


Your Restrained Characteristics
Relationships rarely measure up to her high emotional expectations and her need to be made the center of things, leading to disappointment . Always has mental reservations and tends to remain emotionally isolated and unattached.
Feels cut off and unhappy because of the difficulty in achieving the essential degree of cooperation and harmony which she desires.
Wants to broaden her fields of activity and insists that her hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that she may be prevented from doing what she wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore her confidence.

This was me. About five years ago, dare I even say two years ago. It's a crutch that I am trying to no longer use, and, a suffocating cocoon that I am trying to break out of.
But then again, who doesn't want to be the center of the attention of the one they love?


Your Desired Objective
Wishes to find her stimulation in a voluptuous atmosphere of sensuous luxury.

Words like "voluptuous" and "sensuous" imply femininity. Yeah, this validates God's decision to make me gay.

Your Actual Problem
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She attempts to escape into a substitute world in which things are more nearly as she desires them to be.

There are things broken in my department that I am afraid I cannot fix; it's not that those things are "beyond" me, I just can't stand people who choose not to change. Bugs the shit out me.
But I didn't know that turning myself around and hitting the streets to put a face on gay rights was escaping into a world where "things are more nearly as she desires them to be".


Your Actual Problem #2
Seeks to avoid criticism and to prevent restriction of her freedom to act, and to decide for herself by the exercise of great personal charm in her dealings with others.

I constantly ask for feedback from managers, supervisors and co-workers. Some of it is criticism. I've gotten over it a while ago.
Charm? I have no charm. I pride myself on being level and even-keeled in the most stressful or outrageous of situations.

I will say that it sucks that we live in the "free-est" country in the world, and can't even get our news straight. LGBT folks are being killed and beaten at an alarming and increasing rate in the country, and, we aren't even citizens. There is an entire bigoted segment of our population that thinks it has the right to degrade and demoralize us because they think we're wrong, and then turn around and say we're the ones tearing the country apart.

Our movements are being restricted by our own government, the institution sworn to uphold our freedoms. Our government has a contingency plan for a massive uprising of its own citizens, but had and still has no plan for a catastrophic event, manmade or natural.

Self protecting self.

But the people are the ones who need a moral compass.

What a bunch of bullshit.